The first few visits together in my “waiting for dating” relationship with Andrew were awkward. I didn’t know what to say or how to act. We decided that we would not go out on official dates or outings alone together except for morning Mass, and would not even touch each other until further notice. We needed time to grow into what was happening. I wrote to God, “I love that I have someone to love under Mom’s approval and get to know for the next 3 years… being devoted only to each other so that we can focus and know if we are right for each other when the time comes… If it’s able to fit into your will somehow, I request that Andrew and I will be right for each other and love each other entirely.”
A lot of time that month was spent far apart from each other. Andrew’s family left for summer vacation only a few days after our conversation, and when he returned my family had left for our own two-week vacation to Yellowstone. It gave me time to think, since everything had gone so fast.
It was odd that we were together. I had always thought of Andrew as a would-be-priest and a friend. His family and ours had gone camping together since we were little kids. I had admired Andrew for his virtue and kindness, and fleetingly thought of romance in the past, but even as I told Andrew I had found a souldier, I could not say I had resolved the crush on the junior boy at my high school. I had my eye out for guys I thought were more attractive.
And in fact, Andrew didn’t want anything to do with girls. Since a ton of people thought Andrew was just going to be a priest, he internalized this message though he did not personally feel that call. Andrew fought against all feelings for girls, not understanding how he could love a girl and God at the same time. I did not know it then, but Andrew had been fighting feelings for me since 5th grade. He had successfully battled off crushes for other girls, but something was different here. He just could not shake his feelings for me. His internal war drove him to the point of becoming physically ill, at which point he realized that maybe he wasn’t meant to continue the war. Maybe, just maybe, these feelings didn’t die because they were worth preserving and protecting.
So how did a girl who wanted someone else and a boy who didn’t want a relationship end up together?
You answer that question.
I wrote to God from Yellowstone, “God, in my foolishness You may laugh and shake your head. Especially since I just said Andrew’s love alone was more than I could ask for. So now I am being truly bold. Laugh if You want. May I marry Andrew? I know it’s a great thing to ask, and I am very young and have not yet dipped my toe in this love thing with him… Look on this silly thought with love Lord… I know it’s like asking to keep one of Your most precious diamonds.”
Andrew took me to daily Mass every morning, something that was new and very difficult for me, but I was thriving in that new light. After Mass we would race home on our bikes and hop online to talk with each other. Eventually these online conversations turned into hour-long phone calls. We asked questions about different facets of each other’s lives, about God, about what real love meant. There was so much to learn and discuss. We went to each other’s houses to spend time with family. We sung at the church choir and attended youth group together. We read books on the lawn and wrote each other letters. In these times, I found a best friend.
- Waiting for Dating- A Different Kind of Relationship (catholicsinglelife.wordpress.com)
- Red Flower- the Love Poem that Won My Heart (catholicsinglelife.wordpress.com)
- Poems: Your Love Gives Me Strength (catholicsinglelife.wordpress.com)